Inner Thoughts and Turmoil
by PenBrook
Summary: "What's going on Adam, or should I call you Gracie?" she asked.  - He flinched again. "Don't call me that!" he stated strongly. "I'm not her!"  Final Chapter.
1. Mother Facing Reality

Author's Note: Hey readers, this is my first Degrassi fanfic. I've actually only recently started watching Degrassi when it was announced that Jordan Todosey would be joining the cast. For those who don't know Jordan played Lizzie McDonald in Life With Derek and she was one of my favorites to watch so in honor of her I started watching Degrassi and boy do I love it. She is such a talented actress and just how she deal's with life is inspiring.

I hope you enjoy this story. It's basically everyone's reactions to the new Adam as well as his point of view type chapters. For the first few chapters it will be on his family and friends and what they think about him and then Adam will take over.

Please review,

PenBrook

* * *

_"No!" _the twelve year old Gracie Torres yelled to her mother as she threw the dress to the ground. "I don't want to!"

Her mother sighed as she tried to control her daughter. "Gracie you have to. Grandma's coming over and you want to look nice don't you?" she asked while picking up the wrinkled dress.

"But Andrew doesn't have to wear a dress." she complained, crossing her arms over her slowly developing chest.

"No but Andrew is a _b_oy_" _her mother emphasized rolling her eyes at her disobedient child.

She glared at the ground before softly muttering out: "I wish I was a boy." her arms still crossed.

The mother sighed. She was used to these comments now days. Ever since her daughter was young, in fact when she had first married the girl's father, she knew that there was something off about her step-daughter. She never was into dresses and makeup and dolls, never wanted slumber parties or wanted to hang with all her girl friends like any other normal girl. All Gracie wanted to do was play with mud, eat food, read comics, and hang with her brother Drew.

Drew didn't have a care in the world. He loved that his sister wasn't girly. He loved that he didn't have to be tortured with the question his mother asked him often 'does this dress look fat on me?' or be embarrassed when Grace wanted to hang with him and his friends. To Drew Gracie was just one of the guys; another brother.

But to Audra Torres she was concerned. It just wasn't normal. Even tomboys liked hanging with girls and doing _some _girly stuff. Like sleepovers but not Gracie. Her husband, Greg Torres and Gracie's biological father just thought it was a phase, nothing to worry about. He liked the fact that his daughter wasn't into boys or dresses and whatnot. He didn't know the first thing about raising a girly girl so with Gracie a tomboy it made raising her and Drew a whole lot easier.

She remembered when Gracie first got her period at the age of thirteen and a half. She screamed for two hours on how it was just gross and unnatural. Audra had tried to explain to her the nature of puberty and growing up, how she'd one day be attracted to boys, go on dates and later get married. All Audra got in return was a scrunched up nose of disgust and a comment saying how she hated boys and was never marrying them. She chocked on that thinking the possibility of her daughter being, dare she say it, a _lesbian, _but her husband once again shock his head on it, only calling it a phase.

One morning, around July, just before Gracie's first year of high school, when two boys came down for breakfast instead of one did she know that this was indeed not a phase.

_"WHAT THE HELL?" Audra screamed. "I knew Gracie liked guys but to sleep with one at this age?" her eyes were glaring daggers at the boy who took away her daughter's innocence. "Who the hell are you?"_

_"Adam." the boy said hesitantly, like he was testing it out for the first time, before grinning widely. "My name is Adam." _

_"Well _Adam _you can get the hell out of my house and never dare look at Gracie again or you'll be charged for rape!" she threatened._

_"Uh...sorry but I can't leave." _

_"And why ever not?" she glared once more._

_"Because, I'm your son." _

_A loud thud was heard and darkness surrounded her._

When she woke up she knew her Gracie was gone for good and 'Adam' had taken her place.

It had taken a while for her to get used to the fact that she didn't have one son and one daughter but two sons. It was hard for her to adjust to the fact that Gracie was gone. As much as she loved Adam for who he was she just couldn't hide the fact that she wished he was normal, that he was her daughter again but she knew that'd never happen. Does the phrase 'a snowballs chance in hell' come to your mind?

Even now, after all that issue with Adam turning back into Gracie, back into Adam was over as well as the camp fire that was like a memorial for her daughter she still wished for Gracie back. Though she didn't mess up any pronouns or names she knew that Adam knew that she was still struggling with the fact of it all. What mother wouldn't struggle? But still, she felt like a failure.

Because of what he was he was bullied more than ever. Because of what he was Drew got hurt. Because of what he was he might never find a chance at love and because of what he was she would never have that picture perfect _normal _family.

_But Adam is normal_, her mind argued with her.

She still remembered the conversation that she and Adam had in the car after the entire Grandma incident.

_The day was just let out and Audra was waiting for her daug-er _son _to arrive. She didn't expect to see a poorly dressed _person _entering the car._

_"What happened?" she asked._

_He ignored her question by asking him one of his own. "When you look at me, do you see a boy or a girl?"_

_She sighed. "Oh Adam," _

_"Just answer me!" he demanded quietly yet fiercely._

_She looked down. "A girl." she whispered softly, as if ashamed._

_"I said goodbye to Gracie a long time ago but you haven't and that sucks." Adam noticed that she wasn't looking at him. "Can you look at me?"_

_"I'm trying my best." she said and then looked at him. "I just don't know if I can say goodbye to my daughter." she sniffed yet no tears fell. "The only time I see her is when Grams comes, or in pictures." She took his hands in hers. "You made such a pretty girl."_

_She noticed he paused before commenting. "But I was never happy-"_

_"I know." she said. "But I just don't understand."_

_"You don't have to, just accept-"_

_"Accept what," She interrupted. "That your life is going to be hard?" she asked in a hurt voice, hating to see her child suffering._

_"Mom it's hardest when I'm Gracie." Shock smeared across her face. She never realized that. "If I'm going to get through this I need you to see me as Adam, your son." He then said the hardest thing she would have to do. "You have to put Gracie to rest." _

When the bonfire came she did put her to rest, really she did, but that doesn't mean she didn't mourn.

Truth is, no matter how much time went by, no matter how much she loved Adam and how much he was happy in her heart she would always miss and yearn for Gracie, her once daughter.


	2. Brother My Brother

Author's Note: Thanks to all who reviewed. It was very much appreciated. I love getting reviews just because...no need for an explanation on that.

So I finished half the story already which is why I'm allowing chapters to be updated so quickly but just so you know it's only for the first few chapters. Most likely I'll update every other day or so but I hope to update often as can.

So just a heads up, a few things will change. I believe Audra Torres is technically Adam's mom, i believe, but I put her as Drew's just because it seems to make more sense, at least in looks department, and where Drew get's his protectiveness from.

Also just wanted to thank you again for reading this. I hope I do the show at least a bit of justice though I could never fully.

Enjoy and please review

~PenBrook

* * *

Drew looked over at his sister no _bother _Adam as he put on his beanie and did his signature wink to the mirror. While Adam left the bathroom he also left Drew to his own thoughts. He was happy to see that Adam was finally happy with himself and who he was. Just a few weeks ago had Gracie returned. In a way he was happy, shocked to hell but happy nonetheless. The last time he had seen Gracie, besides when Grandma came, was the summer before her first year of high school.

_"Gracie open up!" Freshman going into Sophomore year, Drew Torres yelled outside the bathroom, knocking on the door viciously. "For a tomboy you are awfully slow." he muttered to himself quietly. All of his life he knew that Gracie was not much of a girl and he accepted that. However what he did find was something he could _never _accept. _

_"Go away Andrew!" Gracie yelled hurriedly._

_"Not before you open the damn door!" he argued back. He heard sniffling as realization that something was wrong dawned on him. "OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!" He didn't hear a reply. He waited another few minutes. "That's it!" he muttered as he backed up and used his football strengthened body to knock the door open. _

_"Ga-gara-" he muttered dumbly as he stared into the teary eyes of her sister, burns all over her arms and another soon to come as a hair clip was pressed hard into her and a lighter right next to her legs._

_"Please..." she muttered, tears pouring out of her eyes. "Please don't tell mom!" _

_He finally snapped back to reality. "Gracie!" he ran to her and pulled the clip away from contact and pulled her sister into his arms. "Gracie." he cried as she cried on him._

_"I'm not Gracie." she mumbled tiredly after a few minutes of tears, falling asleep in his arms.  
_

Since that day Gracie was no more and Adam appeared. It took a while for him to understand why his sister was turning into his brother but from the start he was always on his side. She had described how she felt in this body, how she didn't know who she really was, how she was always so confused being Gracie. That when _he _appeared all things started to make sense. In a way _he _always knew he was in the wrong body but until the real scientific term came up he just thought of himself as a freak. Drew argued that he would never be a freak to him and that whether Gracie or whatever he wanted to be known as point was he was always Drew's brother and Drew would never abandon him. He was even the one to suggest the name.

_"Okay so Gracie is out, what do you want to be called?" asked Drew, two days after finding his sister, now brother, burning himself. _

_"I'm not sure." no name Torres replied, rubbing hairless chin. _

_"What about...Zack?" Drew suggested?_

_He thought about it. "No, it just doesn't...feel right." Drew nodded. "How about Tomas. Plain and simple?"_

_"Even when you were a girl you were never plain and simple."_

_Drew ducked as a pillow came his way. "I was never a girl idiot." no name muttered darkly._

_"Okay, okay." Drew put his hands up in the air surrendering. "Sorry. What about...Adam?"_

_"Adam?" No name tested it on his tongue. "Why Adam?"_

_Drew shrugged. "I dunno, just Adam is the first dude in the world right?" No name nodded. "And Eve came from Adam right?" No name smirked. "Well though you are no longer Gracie she's still sorta part of you, just like Eve is always part of Adam...or something like that." he shrugged. "Either way, Gracie or not, you are Adam."_

_"Adam. I like it." Adam for the first time smiled. "Adam, Adam Torres."_

_"Always Adam."_

It was hard for his mother to understand at first and in a way Drew understood why his mother was angry but once she realized that Adam, boy or girl, was still her child she seemed to soften up but no matter what Adam did it was never enough for her it seemed. She still missed Gracie. He would be lying to himself if he said he didn't miss his little sister, the little sister who was the one to introduce his mom to her dad thus making them a family but he loved Adam and when Gracie did return he ended up missing Adam way more than he ever missed Gracie.

Weeks ago was the bonfire that said goodbye to Gracie once and forever. He knew that Adam was relieved to let her go and if Adam was happy than so was he. Gracie-Adam, it didn't matter who he was or who he chose to be. To him Adam was his little brother. He was his whole world. Some might say that Allie was his world but truth was was that Adam was his number one priority in life. If Adam was hurting than so was he. It was why he fought Owen and Fitz in the first place.

Rule number one with Andrew Jacob Torres: No one messed with his brother.

No one. Not Fitz, not Owen, not Bianca, not Eli, not even his own mother. If it came to choosing over his own flesh and blood to Adam, Adam would win 100% of the time. There was no question, no doubt about that in his mind.

When Drew was two years old his father, Jacob Marselous had left him and his mother for nothing. He was a drunk bastard who only cared about himself. He hurt his mother and there was nothing he could do. That was why when he first met Adam as Gracie did he swear upon his life that he would not mess up again. Adam would never have to suffer the way his mother had suffered. He'd never fail Adam again.

But he did. Over and over again did he fail.

He failed the first of many times when Adam just couldn't live with himself being who he was not and hurt himself.

He failed when Bianca exposed the truth about him to the entire school.

He failed when Owen and Fitz threw Adam through a door.

He failed when he lost in the fight with Owen and Fitz.

He failed when he felt forced to revert back to Gracie just because his own mother thought of him as a freak.

He failed when he had seen Gracie again appear the next day.

He failed when Adam was caught by Clare burning himself to deal with it all.

And most of all he failed when he cheated on Allie with the one girl who made his brother's life a living hell, Bianca. Not only did he lose Allie but he lost a part of Adam.

Over and over and over again did he fail Adam. Sometimes he didn't understand why Adam still thought of him as a brother. He was a failure. Adam was always there for him.

He supported him when he wanted to be on the football team and his mother didn't think it was a good idea.

He supported him when his grades weren't so high.

He supported him when Allie first broke up with him.

And he supported him once again when he failed by hooking up with Bianca.

It seemed no matter what he did he would always fail Adam and Adam would always be there for him.

It was no doubt that Adam was the better brother of the two.

* * *

Author's Note: Just in case you are wondering, Marselous is the last name of a girl I don't particularly like so lets pray she doesn't read this. :P

~Penbrook


	3. Soul Brothers

Author's Note: Hey all! Thanks for enjoying 'Inner Thoughts and Turmoils'. I love writing this story because it just makes me think about life and how cruel teens can be and how we as people need to step up and take a stand. Now I am neither gay nor transgendered or the like, nor do I agree with all they are saying but that doesn't mean I don't love them as people. I have many close friends who are gay and everything in the likes. They are great friends but just chose to live a different life. I'm a teen Christian and love church, God, Jesus etc but people assume that just because I go to church that I am homophobic and the likes and that I hate them all. On the contrary I believe that just because you don't agree with all they believe in doesn't mean you hate them. You just love them more and let them know that though you don't entierly agree with what they do we still love them for them, no matter what they chose.

I am rambaling but I believe it's very important for many people to know that though we may not always believe in the same things doesn't mean we stop loving the person.

So my final message to you all is STOP BEING IDIOTS AND TAKE A STAND! BULLYING IN MY OPINION IS INHUMANE!

Please read and review

~PenBrook

* * *

Elija Goldsworthy looked into the eyes of his not yet girlfriend and smiled. Not a fake smile he used to place upon his face but a true one and genuine one. Although it was hard for him to express his emotions Eli Goldsworthy did know that he was indeed in love with Clare Edwards. Ever since the death of his ex-girlfriend, Julia, it had been hard for him to get close to anyone in fear that he'd lose them.

Clare was one of those exceptions that were able to break through the wall he put up and see the real him. Clare was the love of his life, if not existence. Not just because she looked like an angle but because she acted like one too. She accepted the fact that he and her had to take it slow. She accepted that he suffered through a traumatic event and waited. But most of all when all others looked at him as the 'emo' and 'devil lover' goth boy she, Saint Clare looked at him as if she was blinded by his god damn good looks. She accepted him.

Besides Clare only one other person had accepted who he was and that was his soul brother, Adam Torres.

Now Adam was not your typical guy. The fact was to everyone else in all of science and crap he wasn't a guy at all. He was just a girl wishing to be a guy. But he knew the real Adam.

When Adam was caught with tampons by Clare they had confronted him about it. They didn't expect to hear that he was a FTM: female to male transgendered. He was shocked to say the least. Here was the guy who he had been hanging out with for weeks on end, sharing all those guy stuff guys their age liked to do and yet he wasn't really a guy at all. He was close to just ditching Adam, no _Gracie _completely when he heard but when he realized that the face he was looking at was still him, boy or girl, did he accept. Adam had accepted him without question so why shouldn't he?

By saying the words 'Cool' he knew that he signed himself up for a world of trouble and fights that would soon break out but he knew that Adam was worth it.

Speaking of the devil, shouts were heard from the crowd of students around him as he saw Owen about to pound into Adam's face. Rushing to his best friends side he grabbed the fist the big oaf had thrown and twisted it away while pushing Owen, forcing him to back off.

"Back off!" Eli threatened as he showed off all his dark colors.

Owen sneered. "Gotta have your boyfriend protect you _Gracie?" _he spat before storming off.

Eli winced. He knew Adam hated being called Gracie. He turned to him. "You okay man?" he asked with concern.

Adam stared intently into his eyes. "I can fight my own battles." he said before walking off on his own, parting the sea of students.

The one thing about Adam however you had to know was that he hated anyone fighting his own battles. The last one to try got a large punch in the face. He was a very stubborn kid and though Eli respected Adam's bravery somethings you just needed backup in.

He never forgot the time where his stubbornness almost cost them their lives. During the times where he and Clare had made Adam feel like the third wheel Adam had gone and made friends with good o'l Fitz. Eli knew something was up and confronted Adam about it. He said how he was sorry that Adam felt left out and then said the worst thing possible to say to a guy like Adam: "You're being such a girl."

Now to any biological guy that saying really wouldn't effect them. They'd just tell the person to piss off and then move on but fact was Adam was not biologically a guy and for Eli to say that he was a girl hurt more than words could say. Adam knew he was a guy and Eli knew Adam was a guy. He never treated him anything less but if you dared call Adam a girl he'd screw you good. Though 'you are such a girl' is not that mean, especially when joking, it is to Adam. To Adam it's saying that he really is a girl. To Adam it hurts much more than a punch in the face ever good which is why Eli regretted it ever since it left his mouth.

It took a long time for Adam to forgive Eli but even when he did things were still rocky between them. Because of him Adam had sort of befriended Fitz ending on Fitz setting him up to fight with Bianca and then later really fight with Fitz outside. It took Clare stink bombing a class taking an exam for the fight to stop.

Then things really seemed to heat up.

During Vegas night Fitz had brought a knife. Eli deep inside knew that agitating Fitz was not a good idea, that Clare was right all along but his anger at him for picking on Adam was too strong. He was lucky that he wasn't knifed.

Since that night he and Adam watched each others backs but that didn't mean that Eli was allowed to coddle him. For example breaking a fight between him and Owen was a big no-no. He sighed. Although Adam was the most stubborn kid he knew he wouldn't trade him for the world. Adam was as much of a brother to him as he was a friend. If he had to deal with his stubborn attitude just to save his ass then he would any day.

By the end of the day, like always, Adam turned around and apologized for the way he had behaved. Eli smiled and did their wrist bump while Clare just sighed and shock her head, happy that their little dispute was all over.

Eli was just glad that Adam was a fairly forgiving person, unless you really did something bad. He'd never forgive himself if he hurt Adam like the way Bianca, Fitz and Owen did. He vowed that he'd never stoop that low.

Just like the best friends they were they were also soul brothers.


	4. Comforting A Friend

Author's Note: Wow amazing how much I'm updating. For nearly every update I write two chapters. I hope you guys enjoy this story. I can't wait for Degrassi this friday. Adam vs Drew for Fiona's heart. I hope it's Adam. I've read a lot of fics about him and Fi but I really like them together just because Adam deserves someone too.

Anyways enjoy and review

~PenBrook

* * *

Her parents were separating. After years and years of marriage they were no longer going to be together. What was worse was that her home was being sold. It truly seemed that her life was falling apart and all she could do was wallow in self pity while she cried on her boyfriend's shoulder. She tried to keep them together by having them fight about her. She tried to be the good girl yet nothing was working. She was weak. Millions of kid's parents split so what made hers hurt so much?

Hell even Drew and Adam's parents were separated before their parents remarried and she didn't see them wallowing about it. So again, what made her's so special?

And Adam, he had to deal with so much more than just divorced parents. In fact that was the least of his problems. He had to deal with people like Fitz, Owen and Bianca. He had to deal with the body of a girl and the mind of a guy. He had to deal with the fact that only Drew truly accepted him in his family. Not even his own parents really did accept him, besides his immediate family no one really knew about Adam. His aunts, uncles, his parents friends, even his _grandmother _didn't know Adam existed. As if his mother was ashamed to introduce Adam to the family, like an unwanted son or daughter in law.

How he did it she'd never know.

She admired his strength and courage, to be who he was and never let anyone tell him what he's not. She felt bad that he had to suffer just because he didn't fit the status quo. All of her life Clare grew up thinking that God would damn anyone that didn't fit plan, the gays, bisexuals, sexually active, people like Adam. And yet she couldn't hate Adam. After knowing him and just learning about why he lives the way he lives, how could she hate him?

The most memorable moments she had of him was when he had reverted back to Gracie for that one day after everyone just wanted him to be who he was not. It was shocking seeing him in those clothes. It was shocking calling him by his girl name but more shocking was the fact she saw him hurting himself,_ burning himself. _

_It was mid day and Clare was looking for Eli to see if he had finished his homework yet. She crossed the back lot to find Adam, no _Gracie _in tears. She being the concerned friend she was decided to check on him only to find him burning himself._

_"What are you doing?" she gasped he quickly put the clip down and grasped his wrist. She picked up the object and dropped it for its' intense heat. She then saw the numerous burn marks sprawled across his arm. She gently touched it. "Oh Adam."_

_Adam sniffed. "If I'm Gracie everything's easier right, for everyone." he stated as a tear fell. "When I was her I used to burn myself." he admitted. "It's how I let the anger out."_

_"But you're not her!" she argued, tears spilling from her own eyes._

_"but I have to be her!" he burst. "For my mom, my family, for everyone!" he cried. "I'm trying so hard." _

_She shock her head. "You don't have to change who you are." she said with conviction, like she was saying God was real. "everyone else does." The light that shown through his eyes were a sight to see. She knew that she had gotten through to him. She knew that Adam was back. "Here, let me help you get you home, okay?." _

_"Not in these clothes." He darkly chuckled as she smiled sympathetically._

_"Come inside, I'll find you something." _

_As they walked out, her arm around Adam holding him up, she knew that everything would be alright._

Since that day so much has happened. Fights, learning the truth about Eli's past, stink bombs, lock downs, changes. So many changes and yet Clare never regretted getting involved in any of it. She needed them now more than ever.

"What will I do?" She asked Adam, her best guy friend, for advice. She would have asked Allie but she now attended an all girl's school after the fight with Bianca and Drew cheating on her.

Adam sighed. "Keep loving them." She looked up at him in confusion. "just because they don't love each other doesn't mean that they don't love you which means you have to keep loving them." he said like it was the most simple thing in the world. "It's going to be hard, I'm not going to lie, but it will be better. I promise." he gave her one of his Adam smiles, a half grin.

She half smiled back but sadness still reached her eyes. "If you don't mind..." she said hesitantly. "What happened to your mom and Drew's biological dad?"

He sucked in a breath but answered her. "Drew's dad left them when he was only two or so. He saw his mother getting hit and couldn't do a thing." he said sadly. "It's a reason why he's so protective of me though he doesn't need to be." he chuckled humorlessly. "As for Valery, she and dad separated after she cheated on him." he said sadly as Clare placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'm okay. It happened when I was only like two or three. I still keep in contact and stuff well that was before Gracie left." he said. Very rarely did Adam ever mention Gracie. "when I told her about Adam well, she hanged up on me. Dad even tried to drive me up to talk to her but she refused to speak to me." he said sadly.

"Oh Adam..." How a parent could _not _love their child was beyond her.

"It's okay. I have mom, dad, Drew and you guys. I don't need anyone else." he said reassuringly but she knew that he was still hurting. All she could do was hug him tightly. "Your parents still love you Clare. They didn't split on account of you. Don't hate them forever." he said quietly as he separated himself for her leaving her to her own thoughts.

_Oh Adam..._


	5. I'll Make A Man Out Of You

Author's Note: Well here is the next chapter. I am rather proud of myself if I may say so. I'm really excited because this is the first _official _point of view on Adam. I was thinking originally to start the story on Adam but I wanted you the readers to get to know him without being in his mind. I wanted you to know the other character's relationship with him as well as their thoughts on Adam in general.

I hope you like this chapter.

I am begging you to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review!

~PenBrook

* * *

The alarm rang as sixteen year old Adam quickly shut it off by hitting it with my pillow, knocking it to the ground. He groaned as he realized he would need to get up for school, but like any guy he did his best to ignore the reasoning and just listen to his instincts. Sadly however his girl body decided that she was a morning person.

Damn did she hate her body.

That's right, she said it. Adam Torres is a guy between the ears but girl all body...at least for now.

She scurried out of bed and entered the bathroom doing his annual stuff, wrapping the cloth around his...boobs, put on his school uniform and winked at his reflection before heading off to school.

Before getting out of the car he looked over at Drew's large and muscular form. As much as he loved his brother he also envied him. He had the perfect body. Big but not too big, great face, great hair, great everything! But the most important part was that he had a _thing _where as Adam did not. _Just because I was born in the wrong body. _How he hated that fact. His parents had promised him that when he graduated from high school they would allow him to take the surgery needed to become all guy. No longer would he need to worry about tampons or his over large breast. No longer would his voice be high pitched or _thingless_. No longer would people like _Bianca _or Owen be able to call him a girl. Because physically speaking he would be a boy.

In two years.

Two _freaking _years.

He didn't understand why his mom wouldn't allow him to get it now. His dad supported him as did his brother but apparently in this house the woman rules. _Bet she threatened no sex forever to dad. _He grumbled as he looked at his lanky form.

He sighed once more but nonetheless entered school.

No longer did many people stare at him. It seemed that Clare was right when the next school scandal would make it's way. Either way it meant that most people, whether they accepted him or not, stopped looking at him like the freak he was. Only Owen and Bianca and the rest of the ignoramuses.

He met up at his locker that was conveniently located next to Clare's. "Hey." he said as he took out his books as well as his comic book that he started to read before school started.

"Hey yourself." she replied as she smiled at seeing Eli appear. She gave him a short kiss, not wanting to be caught by the teachers for PDA.

Adam made a face of disgust. "Don't knock it till you try it." Eli smirked as he wrist bumped Adam.

"With Clare...alright but-"

"Shut up." Eli rolled his eyes but nonetheless smiled.

"I'll see you guys during fourth period." Adam said as the bell rang and he headed to Science.

The day passed on quickly and not much happened. There was gossip about Jena and KC's baby, talk about how bad it was that all the clubs were canceled, including GBLT club and all that. He himself was a bit disappointed at that fact as it was one of the only places he wasn't thought of as a freak. The people there accepted him because they themselves weren't 'normal' by standards. He had gotten to know a few of them like Riley and Zane. They were cool and were also friend's with Drew.

He knew the story on Drew and Riley, how Drew was homophobic against them but after talking to him they had worked everything out and made a great team.

_"God they drive me nuts!" groaned Drew as he plopped onto the couch._

_Adam stared at his brothers irritated face. "What's wrong?" he asked with concern._

_"Gay guy's suck." he said simply as he crossed his chest._

_Adam made a face at him. "Why? What they do?"_

_Drew looked at his brother like he had two heads. "Adam, they are not natural. Guy's aren't supposed to do guys! They're supposed to do chicks!" he exclaimed with a puff._

_Adam's face twitched with annoyance as he pulled back his fist and hit Drew right in the jaw, not strong enough to break it but strong enough to make a statement._

_Drew groaned as he rubbed his sore spot. "What the hell Adam?"_

_"So because they aren't 'natural' they're freaks?" he spat with anger._

_Drew looked at his brother in concern. "Bro why you freaking out on me?"_

_"Andrew how can you be so cruel to them yet treat me the way you do?" he growled._

_Drew looked at him in confusion. "How does them have anything to do with you?"_

_"Hell Andrew!" Adam threw his hands in the air. "You are such a damn hypocrite! I'm the biggest 'freak' there is yet you love me?"_

_"Of course I love you, and you aren't a freak. You're my brother." argued Drew._

_"Yes but I'm also biologically a _girl!" _How can you accept me without accepting them?" he asked before storming off into his room. _

It took a while for Drew to understand what Adam had said but once he did he was quick to apologize and make friends with them both, learning that they were pretty cool dudes.

It sometimes sucked how just a little incident took away all the freedom the school had. Sometimes he regretted how he acted towards Fitz but shock his head of it. Fitz deserved all he got and in his opinion deserved more.

He quickly walked out of his last period class only to hear Bianca mutter freak before shoving past him. He gave her a small glare before making his way home. It was only two more years until she could no longer call him that.

Two more years until he was what he was supposed to be.


	6. Mother's Love Shown

Author"s Note: This chapter writing it practically made me cry! I hope you liked it and only one more day until the next episode of Degrassi featuring Fiona AND Adam! I really really really hope he gets her.

Read, review, and love

~PenBrook

* * *

Ever since Allie had switched schools the science club had been suffering. Adam silently cursed at his brother in making Allie quit when the North Toronto SeaKings scored another point. By the end of the race the Degrassi Panthers had lost 20-7. A suffering defeat.

"Sorry bro." Drew had said comfortably while patting him on the back. Adam glared at him before shuffling away with the rest of the team. He knew what he was doing was childish. Drew couldn't be completely blamed for his mistake with Bianca but it didn't mean he wasn't pissed. If Allie hadn't moved schools they'd had won.

In the end it really all ended at Bianca.

Bianca the skank. The slut, the boyfriend stealer and once Adam's dream girl.

He shuttered, still can't believing he once liked the chick. Not only had she exposed him but she also broke apart Allie and Drew and continued to make his life a living hell.

It was only a few more months until school let out meaning that he was even closer to becoming a guy. A real guy. Not just in between the ears but out of body as well. Each night he crossed out the date to his surgery and tonight was no different. _Only 778 days left. _He thought as he went under his covers and fell asleep.

The next morning went as usual. Get up, curse his body, put on his school uniform, go to school, hang with his friends, try not to get in a fight with Owen, ignore Bianca and go home. Day in and day out he did the same old routine. Very rarely did that change.

Drew had went to school early due to early practice so it was just him and his mother that morning.

"Bye mom!" he shouted as he started to exit the car.

"Adam, wait!" his mother called after him. Adam turned.

"I'm going to be late." he complained as he looked at his watch. Only two minutes to go and he still needed to get to his locker.

"It'll just take a second." she said and took a deep breath. "The families coming over for the holidays." she whispered as Adam gave her a quizzical look. The holidays were over four months away. Why should he be concerned? "Both sides, your father's and mine...and well they were really looking forward to seeing Gra-."

"Don't bother." Adam spat as he left his mother to her own thoughts. "I don't dress up for anybody."

Back at school Clare's mouth was dropped.

"She asked you that?" Eli asked in astonishment.

Adam angrily nodded. "After all I went through, I can't believe she still hasn't accepted it." he muttered.

"Does any of your family know?" Clare asked as she patted her friend on the shoulder.

Adam shock his head. "No. After I became Adam mom was so ashamed that whenever family came over I wouldn't be allowed downstairs and they'd just say Gracie went to a sleep over or something."

"That's horrible!" gasped Clare. Though her parents didn't like each other they loved her. She could never imagine them doing something like that.

"That's life." Adam shrugged. "Andrew was so pissed that he refused to talk to mom for days after that would ever happen nor would he rarely stay during the dinner. He kept making excuses about homework and such. After we moved to Degrassi the family wouldn't really see us much so mom didn't have to worry about me and how they would think."

"I'm all glad that you moved here but dude, that's harsh." Eli commented. "What are you going to do?"

"Be myself of course."

It was then that Drew decided to appear. "Hey guys." he sighed as he started eating his meal. "Wachu taukin bou?" he asked with his mouth full.

Adam made a face. "Nothing." he said and then shot Clare and Eli a look. They caught the look and didn't recall anything they had said previously.

Later that day Clare confronted Adam. "So why didn't you tell him?"

"I can fight my own battles Clare. I don't need Andrew's help." he said crossing his arms and looking anywhere but in her eyes.

"You always say that Adam" she started. "You always say that you can do things on your own and we know that. We know that you can but sometimes you can't. Sometimes you can't and those are the times you need us. Need him. Especially him." Tears welled in her eyes. "Adam, you don't have to go through this alone. Your brother loves you and would want to know so-"

"So what?" Adam interrupted. "So he can yell at his mom and say how I should be allowed to be me. So he can get into more trouble? Things are already rocky at home Clare. Him and mom are on the brink of destruction with all that tension stored in the two. Andrew doesn't need that. He hasn't seen his family in a while and I don't want him to have to miss them just because of me." He took a deep breath before continuing. "He can't always protect me."

Clare stared at Adam for a while trying to contemplate all that he was saying. It was true that Drew and his mom were not getting along, especially after the Vegas night incident. She had seen them get at it while having dinner over their house. It reminded her of one of her parent's fights. "But still-" Clare tried but Adam was as stubborn as hell.

"No. I just won't show up. Problem solved and end of discussion!" he slightly glared down.

Clare sighed, knowing that she was defeated. "Okay..." she hesitantly agreed.

"As long as you keep this away from Andrew all will be good. He can't and won't fight my battles this time." he said passionately and then paused. "And neither will you or anyone for that matter. I can and will fight my own battles." he ended as he walked away from a distraught Clare.


	7. Jocks Doing What Jocks Do Best

Author's Note: Hey sorry for no update in a few days but it'll probably be like that. Been caught up in school and holidays, CANDY! Anyways I can't wait for Friday's episode featuring Fiona. I really want to do a chapter on her soon.

Please read and review and enjoy

~PenBrook

* * *

Drew knew that something was going on that no one was telling him about. Ever since he left for an early practice tension had been thick between Adam and well...everyone else. His mother wouldn't talk when she and Adam were in the same room and as soon as humanly possible Adam would leave the room when she was there. He knew that his dad knew but also knew he wouldn't tell. Even Clare and Eli seemed to know and it was driving him insane. How was it that everyone knew but him?

He hated being left out of things. He hated when he didn't know what or who was bothering Adam. He knew that Adam could stick up for himself, he knew that but it didn't mean the protectiveness faded from him. He needed to know what the hell was going on and he needed to know _now. _

Contrary to what others believed Drew wasn't an idiot. He was dumb and stupid and did bad things but he wasn't an idiot. He knew that if he just confronted Adam head on and asked him what was going on he'd just get the cold shoulder and the typical lines that he could fight for himself. Drew sighed. Why Adam had to be so stubborn he would never know. He knew Adam knew that he could always go to him for help yet he constantly tries to handle things his own way and it drives him insane. So he went to the one person he knew would spill about Adam if necessary.

Clare

It was after school a few days since he noticed something was off that he decided to have a chat with Adam's girl best friend. He had skipped practice and would be damned if he didn't get answers. He saw her at her locker standing with Eli.

"Clare Eli, hold up." Drew said as he leaned against the locker owned by Adam. Eli looked up and gave him an upwards nod. "Eli my man, mind if I borrow your girl for a bit?" Eli gave him a quizzical look. "I promise to keep her safe." he said putting his hands up. "I pinky swear."

Clare rolled her eyes. "I'll catch with you later." she said as she leaned in to give Eli a chaste on the lips.

"Hey no PDA!" Drew joked with a smirk.

It was Eli's turn to smirk. "You're just jealous."

Drew shrugged. "Probably but who's the one who's got your girl now huh?" he laughed as he put his arm around Clare's shoulder and walked her away from her boyfriend.

"HEY BRING HER BACK IN ONE PIECE!" Shouted Eli from behind.

When they had gotten far enough without anyone to interupt them Clare stopped.

"This isn't just a random hello thing is it?" she asked knowingly.

Drew sighed but nodded. "Clare I know you and Eli are close to Adam and I know that he tells you stuff he doesn't even tell me but I _need _to know what the hell is bothering my brother." he said sternly.

Clare cast her sight down. "Sorry Drew but Adam made me swear not to tell you."

"Screw what he said!" he bellowed. "Look I know you value your friendship with him and all and don't want to betray his trust but he's my brother. I gotta know what's going on"

Clare still wouldn't look up. "Sorry Drew."

Drew slapped his hand on his forehead. "Come on Clare. I know you know and I need to know. So just tell me and I'll help fix it."

This time Clare did look up. "Don't you see though? Drew, Adam doesn't want or need your help. He can handle it himself. If it was that dire than I would have told you no matter what Adam thought. He wants to prove to himself he doesn't need you protecting him. He's a big boy Drew and he can do it himself." she spoke in a passionate voice.

He puffed. "But don't you see? I don't care if he can do it himself. It's my job to look after him. It's my job to protect. You take away that you take away the only thing I can give Adam."

"He know's you love him. Isn't that enough?"

"NO!" Drew cried, eyes starting to water. "Did you know when he just turned Adam mom wouldn't acknowledge him?" Clare stayed quiet. "He would cry everyday and night on how he couldn't be himself because his mom didn't love him as Adam? All I could do was hold him and tell him it'd be okay but that's all I could do. I couldn't fix him or dry up his tears and that killed me Clare. It killed me. No more. I won't be on the sidelines, it's time for me to face things head on. I'll be damned if I let Adam get hurt if I could have prevented it." Tears now were running down his cheek. "Please Clare, _please" _he begged.

Clare groaned. "He'll kill me for this you know." she pointed out.

Drew gave a lopsided grin. "I'll take the chances."

Clare gave him a mock glare and lightly slapped him. "Jerk."

"Ouch you hurt me woman." he cracked and then became serious. "Now stop beating around the bush Clare and just tell me what is going on."

Clare took a deep breath before beginning. By the time she was finished Drew was shaken up.

"How can he think that?" he grunted angrily as his hands were clenched in fist. "Doesn't he know I'd do anything, and I mean _anything _for him?"

Clare shrugged. "I think that's his point. He knows that but he doesn't want you to. He already knows that you and your mom are having enough problems and he doesn't want to add to it. And also he can-"

"I know I know." Drew groaned. "He can fight his own battles. But that doesn't mean he should."

As Drew got home he contemplated on what she had told him and how he would confront his mom about all this. He still couldn't believe that after all she had put Adam through she still couldn't accept that Gracie was gone. Had the whole bonfire been a lie? Did she still not accept Adam for who he was? He snorted. Of course she didn't, other wise she would have allowed Adam to be introduced to the family.

As much as he loved his mother, loved his father, he loved Adam more. He didn't know why as Adam at times gave him hell but he just did. Adam helped him through a lot of crap in his life and was his light. Without Adam he wouldn't know what to do. Ever since the day that they met he had been his protector and at first Adam loved it but now he wasn't a little kid. He was growing into a man, a stubborn as hell guy but a man nonetheless.

He crashed on his bed as he groaned out loud. His mother was downstairs, fixing dinner, his dad was at work and Adam was hanging with Clare and Eli and then sleeping over Eli's house for a boy's night out. Until his dad came home it would just be him and his mom.

Hundreds of scenarios ran through his head as he thought about his options. The first was to not talk to mom and respect Adam's wishes but that also meant not protecting Adam and possibly having him have to go through Gracie crap again. Another one was to talk to his mom but that would entail arguing with his mother _and _having his brother kill him and Clare. And he still wouldn't know what would happen.

He groaned again. This was hurting his head. He wasn't a thinker, he was a doer. When in Football you don't think about your options when you are a second away from being tackled and the ball stolen from you. You just have to act fast and go with your best judgment. It felt like this was the same. He knew that he would have to go with his best judgment but he knew that in the end someone would get hurt.


	8. First Impressions

Author's Note: Hey guys, sorry this is a short chapter. I tried writing longer but felt that this was one chapter that worked better short than long. I really love writing about Adam because it helps me understand him better and enjoy watching the character more. I can't wait for the next episode tomorrow!

Enjoy and review please

~PenBrook

* * *

He knew he had hurt Clare but at this point he didn't really care. Leaving her in that hallway alone was easier than facing reality because as they say, realities a bitch. Can you blame him for not wanting to face it? He didn't want to face reality like some of those courageous folks that thought that they could change it. Besides even if he tried it wouldn't work. Somethings you just can't change.

Like his mother.

Ever since he became Adam his relationship with her was strained, maybe even more so than Drew's relationship with her. She just couldn't and wouldn't understand him nor get to know him. Sure she loved him as she was still his mother but she just couldn't let go. Adam had prayed that with the bonfire and everything that she had finally accepted him for the way he was but it seemed not to be.

He remembered the first time he came down stairs as Adam, how he scared the hell out of his mother when she thought he was a boy that slept with her daughter.

_"Gr-Gracie?" his mother stuttered._

_Adam shock his head. "It's Adam mom, A-Dam." _

_"No!" she said with conviction. "You are Gracie, my fourteen year old daughter. I know that you always wanted this but, but it must be a faze." she saw Drew come down the stairs. "Drew, tell your _sister _to get back up their and put on the right clothing." she ordered._

_"Sorry mom. But Gracie's gone and the new and _better Adam _has come to stay. Get used to your new _son_. I promise you _he's _a great _guy _once you get to know _him." _he saw his mother gasp as she immediately glared at her _'real'_ son right after said words._

_"Gracie Ann Torres you will stop with this charade and go upstairs and change! We'll talk about this later!" She said stomping away in a fit._

_Adam sighed. "Talk about first impressions." he said sarcastically. "Could this get any worse?" he asked Drew._

_From the other room they heard their mother. "Greg can you believe your daughter? Get your ass over here this instant and set her straight!"_

_"Oh yeah..." Drew said while rubbing the back of his head._

After that awkward confrontation things hadn't been normal. While Greg was able to digest it after a few months his mother had still not.

Adam wouldn't lie saying it didn't hurt, because it did. It hurt him immensely that his mother didn't love him as Adam and kept thinking him as _Gracie._ While he was confused on many things one thing he was positive was on the fact that he was _never _Gracie. He may have lived as her but he _wasn't _her.

His mother just wouldn't accept it.

Even now.

And now because of that he once again wouldn't be seeing all of his other family members and they would never meet Adam Torres.

Life sucked.

Adam wanted to confront her, he truly did he just didn't know how. He would complain how it was horrible for her not to accept him and she would say how she just couldn't let go, like she always said. It was a never ending cycle and he never could stop. His mother was always ahead of him no matter what he did.

The thing that hurt most though was that he was her son and she was his mother. For her not to accept him, it felt as if his mother abandoned him, again. He knew that Audra Torres was his mother, if not blood than emotionally. She raised him, loved him, and cared for him when his own biological mother wouldn't. He never admitted this to anyone, not even Drew, but his mother, bio mom, leaving him had cut him good. It was like he lost someone to look up to. Like she had ripped out his love for her and ran over it with the car she drove off in. Sure Audra filled in a big gap but there was still a tiny tear in his heart that could never be fixed. It seemed to get larger and larger with each hit he took from her.

The first time he had confronted her the words she said hurt him more than ever.

_"I don't have a daughter and I certainly don't have a son. But if I did you couldn't blame me for not wanting a _freak _like you!" _

He never told Audra or his dad or Drew what his bio mom said. He didn't even shed a tear but that didn't mean he wasn't crushed.

Oh he was crushed good.

Buried in the pain.


	9. I'm The Guy She Wants

Author's Note: Okay so sorry for slow updates. School is a hassle and I'm trying to stay somewhat true to the show while also adding my own stuff. I can't wait for Degrassi however I doubt it will have much Adam/Clare/Eli/Fiona/Drew scenes. It's not that I don't like the other characters its just that those five are a lot more fun to watch.

Anyways I hope you enjoy the chapter. It's similar to last week's degrassi but can't do anything bout it.

PLEASE REVIEW!

~PenBrook

* * *

Adam sighed as he listened to his brother once again talk about the beautiful and smart and damn sexy, Drew's words not his, Fiona Coyne. It wasn't that he wasn't right, in fact she was all those words and more its just that he was there too! Drew talked about her to him as if he never met her himself when truth is he knew her a hell of a lot more than Drew probably ever would, and he was the one going out with her, or at least trying.

Adam and him had been working on the food drive for their 40 hours of community service when Fiona entered the gym. A hush fell over them as they both took in her breath taking beauty. Never before had they seen someone with such grace. When Drew started to peruse her Adam had offered to help out when he kept seeming to strike out. Although Adam himself was interested after all the things Drew did for him he deserved this.

But there was one small problem

Adam liked Fiona too and he was pretty sure she liked him back.

Since his talking her into giving Drew a chance he himself had been hopelessly falling for her.

She was perfect in both personality and looks. A true princess. He didn't want Drew to want her, date her or even _look _at her. He wanted to. How great of a brother was he?

He sighed as he watched Fiona talk to Drew _again, _giggle a bit and flip her hair. His hands clenched a bit as he tried to look away but found himself unable to. He hated that he found jealousy in the fact that she was interested in Drew but he hated Drew more for being interested in her. He had finally found a girl who didn't look at him weird, liked talking to him and wasn't interested in anything physical and she just had to pick _Drew _of all people; Mr. 'I wanna get in your pants'.

As Adam was trying to sort away the canned foods Drew came over to him bugging him all over on where to take Fiona.

And he snapped.

He yelled at Drew on how he didn't care. He yelled at how he could take the _Princess _anywhere he damn wanted and he just didn't care.

Drew was taken back a bit and a hurt expression sprawled across his face. Adam however was too angry to stop.

"What's your problem?" barked Drew.

"Nothing. Why don't you go back to kissing Fiona for all I care!" he retorted.

"Oh I see." Drew said in realization. "You're jealous!"

"Fine, maybe I am?" he shouted back. "Maybe I want to date her too!"

Drew's eyes widened. "You can't be serious?" he gasped.

"And why not? Maybe she'd want to date me."

Drew sighed an exasperated sigh. "Fiona Coyne is the hottest girl in school. Why would she go for you?"

"Why not? She said she wasn't looking for anything sexual. Maybe I'm the right one for her!"

Drew snorted. "And don't you think she'd figure it out-?" he pointed out. "You know?"

"What? That I'm physically a girl? So what?" he retorted.

Drew sighed louder. "I'm just saying. Fiona may not be looking for anything now but sooner or later she could change her mind and you can't give it to her!" he shouted before his eyes widened in shock of what he had said. Although what he said was true he knew he overstepped the line. While Adam had accepted his body, knowing he'd change into the rightful one, he still got hurt whenever anyone pointed the fact that he didn't have a man's prized possession and Drew shouting it out saying that with Fiona in the topic overstepped it. Drew realized it as he saw Adam's eyes water.

"Screw you." he spat as he ran away as Drew threw a fit.

Drew sighed as he thought back to the fight. He hadn't spoken to him in nearly a week and it was driving him with madness. He had also just spoken to Fiona and heard the news about what she really thought.

In all honesty he wasn't surprised. Adam was a great dude. He couldn't very well blame her for wanting him and Adam deserved someone like her. So he let her be with him. However it would still be brutal when Fiona found out the truth. All he had told her was that he was a really great guy. Nothing that would let out the real truth about Adam being in the wrong body.

Speaking of secrets he knew that in a few days it would not only be Fiona learning something new. In all the drama that was happening he had completely forgotten about the family dinner and how Gracie would make her reappearance. He still didn't really understand why Adam was still keeping it a secret. So what if his mother didn't approve? She didn't approve of half the things they did and yet they did it anyways. Okay so this wasn't something little or petty. This was big but that didn't mean it shouldn't be done. He knew that he had to talk to his mother about Adam. He knew he had to do it soon because if Gracie came back he was afraid Adam never would.


	10. Dancing In The Moonlight

Fiona Coyne was the princess of Degrassi High.

Since stepping through the doors of that secondary school all praise was given to her. Boys and a few girls lusted after her while most girls looked at her in envy and spite. She didn't know how she'd survive without Holly J by her side. She and Holly J were best of friends since what it seemed like forever. She dreamed of the two of them becoming sisters when Holly J and her brother Declan got married but since their break up it didn't seem likely.

She didn't dwell on it too much.

Life at Degrassi was different than her time spent in New York. For one thing there was a lot less pressure on her to do the trial case against her ex-boyfriend, Bobby. Sure she went into self meditation but with the love and support from her soul sister she got through that. School was better since she didn't need to worry much on making friends. She had Holly J and that was really all she needed. With her being a senior and all she wouldn't ever see half the friends ever again, if she tried to make some that was.

And then there was Adam.

Adam Torres was a mysterious boy. He was from a lower middle class as well as being in a lower school class, being only grade ten. He was best friends with grade eleven Elijah Goldsworthy and Clare Edwards, fellow nobodys in the social order. He seemed to be the type who attracted bullies as he was always seen being picked on. However he also seemed to attract her.

She didn't know why. Adam Torres was not the type of guy she would go for, now his brother Drew, he was and yet she couldn't help but fall for him. Every thing he says and does, its being controlled by his heart and mind instead of his southern parts like a typical boy. But for some reason she couldn't help but think that there was something different about Adam. Besides being "Really really nice" there was something else. Something she couldn't see. Like there was another side of him or something.

When Adam had asked her out on a date she couldn't have been more elated. He went through so many lengths just to give her a dance that the school couldn't. He was so sweet to her in a way that other boys weren't. Other boys would do this just to get in her pants but with Adam, he was different. She could truly tell that he was doing this out of the kindness of his heart.

So she went.

She went and she danced and she partied with Adam. She could feel the stares directed at them as they did a slow dance together but she ignored it. She ignored everything around her but Adam. In his arms she felt safe and at the end of the night they kissed, or rather she kissed him. He wasn't expecting it at all but once he saw that it was okay he returned it. The kiss was not one of rush and lust but a slow and chaste. Kissing him was different than kissing people like Bobby who went directly in for tongue. No, he was different. He allowed her to lead the pace and went for nothing more.

When they came up for air she saw the sparkles in his eyes and the adortion he gave her.

"Wow." he whispered in shock, as if he never kissed someone before.

"Wow indeed. You're not that bad Torress." she smirked.

"You're not that bad either." he laughed back as they continued to slow dance the last song.

She was just about to lean in for another when her phone beaped. She looked at it as it read 12:20. She looked up and sighed. "Sorry Torress. You'll have to take a ranecheck on that. I gotta go. I'll see you Monday?" she asked hopefully.

"How about tomorrow? At the dot?"

She thought about it. "Sure, its a date." she said as she gave him one last peck and turned to leave but Adam pulled her back and his heated lips were once again placed upon hers. They kissed for a few more minutes until he released her.

"Bye princess." he said as he walked away towards Eli and Clare who were getting ready to go.

"Bye Adam." she whispered as she herself left, anticipation for tomorrow.

* * *

Author's Note: Well I changed the ending from Friday's Episode. I normally don't do that but I didn't like the ending and didn't know how the episodes in 2011 would follow so I'm finishing it on my own terms. Sorry for taking so long. I've been super busy lately, my excuse for everything. I'll try to have the next chapter update by thursday or sooner.

Pleaes update!


	11. Decisions Are Made

Author's Note: So here's the next chapter is done in two person point of view. Hope you enjoy!

Read, Review, Re-read!

~PenBrook

* * *

Adam was happy. No, he was more than happy, he was elated! Nothing could get his mood down. No one!

Today was the second week anniversary since he and Fiona kissed.

_Kissed_

Throughout the weeks he and Fiona started officially dating. Nothing big like dating, merely the Dot and hanging at their places but it was still the best. Adam still couldn't believe that Fiona would ever consider dating a guy like him. Not that she knew yet that was. He was considering telling her when they were more serious. He knew that he was stupid to do that as both Clare, Eli and his brother all kept bugging him to tell her now but he didn't want the feeling of being normal to end. All was well. Fiona didn't know and thus didn't treat him differently.

The holidays were coming up soon and as much fun as Adam was having with Fiona he could not escape the tension in the Torres Household. Ever since he decided he wouldn't even show up at the family dinner things had been rock. His mother wasn't talking to him and his dad was just trying to ignore the entire thing and Drew? Well Drew seemed like he didn't know a single thing going on. He knew that their mom had told him about the plans a while ago, minus Adam not being there, but he seemed to not really care. Prehaps he just assumed that _Adam _would finally introduce himself. Or maybe he was really that clueless.

No.

Adam knew that Drew knew something but he wouldn't budge. Drew acted like everything was okay and maybe to him it was but if Adam knew Drew at all he'd know that Drew knew everything happening from the start. But was he _really _that smart?

A week ago he had another fight with his mother one that ended in a way that even he didn't anticipate.

_"Adam!" His mother shouted as he ran up to his room. They had been once again arguing about the family dinner. His mother wanted him at the dinner, she really did, but she just didn't want _him. _She wanted Gracie._

_"What? Are you sure you want _Adam? _Or do you really want _Gracie?_" he hollered back._

_"No, you know that I accept you!" his mother cried back._

_"Your actions don't show it!"_

_"I just-I just don't want you to get hurt." her mother whispered, tears falling from his face. It was at that moment that he knew what he had to do. And he hated it.  
_

He hated that he would be going back as Gracie. After the bonfire he had banished her away but somehow she always knew how to creep back in. It wasn't that he didn't want his family to know of Adam it was just that he didn't want to cause a family quarrel that he knew would happen if they found out that their niece and granddaughter was now their grandson and nephew. As much as it would be painful for him to go through being _Gracie _again he knew that he was still Adam and that would never change. He was just acting as her, to keep the piece.

Mom had been elated when she found out that he would do it of course. It wasn't that she didn't love her son, its just that she loved him but didn't want him to get hurt and she feared that him coming out would not be accepted by the family. So in a way, she really did care. She had told Drew about the family coming over but not about Gracie. She probably didn't want him to freak and such. Adam knew that when Drew would see Gracie he probably would freak but he also knew that he would never give him away, especially with the family. He wouldn't like it but he wouldn't do anything about it. When the family would leave then he would get the whiplash.

As he had said in the beginning, all was well.

For now that was.

* * *

Drew Torress was in an inner struggle.

He knew that his mom still didn't accept Adam but he didn't understand why. Part of him wanted to march all over to his mother and demand that Adam be allowed to participate in the family gathering as _himself _but another part of him wanted to let him fight his own battles, like he wanted. He knew that he couldn't baby Adam all of his life and that Adam would have to deal with some stuff on his own but he still didn't want him to have to face it all alone.

God this was just too complicated.

After much inner debate Drew decided her would confront his mother. He knew he'd get Adam pissed off if he found out but if in the end he helped Adam than it would be all worth it.

"Mom!" he called out as he entered the house after a hard day of football practice. Although the season was over the coach still had them train on their off seasons so that the following year they'd kick ass even more.

"UP HERE!" his mom called back from what seemed to be the kitchen.

Drew dropped his bags and followed her voice. "Hey mom," he asked as he poked his head in. His mom looked to be cooking dinner. "Where's Adam?" he asked in curiosity.

"Oh, he's at his _friend_'s house." she said with distaste.

Drew raised an eyebrow at her tone. "So...he's not home is what you are saying?"

His mother turned around looking suspiciously at her son. "Yes...why?"

"Just needed to talk to you, without him around." he said truthfully.

She put down her mixing spoon as she gave all attention to him. "Okay then, talk."

"Why don't you accept Adam?" he asked rather bluntly.

His mother gave him an exasperated sigh. "Drew it's not that I don't accept him." she answered, rubbing her forehead.

"Then why can't he be there?"

"It's not that _I _don't accept him its just that the others might not." she explained.

"So? Who cares what others think? If they don't accept them than screw them!" he said, sticking up for him fully.

Her hand slammed on the table as her eyes narrowed sternly at her son. "Hey, watch your mouth boy." she warned. "And their family, of course we care what they think and Adam does too." she said. "Besides it's none of your business anyways."

"Of course it's _my _business. He's _my _brother!"

"And he's _my _son. You think I don't think of the welfare of him? Well I do!" she yelled. "And besides, he'll be there." she added on.

"Really?" Drew paused. "He will?"

"Yes really," she rolled her eyes. "We talked it out and I agree he should be with the family, especially during Christmas." she explained. "Now go do your homework and I'll call you down later for dinner."

"YES!" he shouted for joy and ran up and kissed his mother on the cheek. "Thanks." he grinned and ran up to do what she asked.

He however didn't notice the frown placed upon his mother's face. If he only knew...


	12. Christmas Kisses

Author's Note: Hey readers. I am SO SO SO Sorry for being in a leave of absence for so long. I truly have no great excuse for not updating for nearly a month. Actually, in like two days it will be a month. All I can say is that I'm very very lazy.

Anyways so the 12th chapter is now up and I really hope you enjoy. Contrary to the holidays and everyone supposed to be giddy I do not. Actually this is one of the worst holidays I ever had and not just because of presents. I dunno. I don't feel like telling you my entire sob story or anything so I'll just leave it at that. The best way you can cheer me up is by reviewing. That way I know people like my writing.

Happy Holidays to those who have it and or need it.

~Penbrook

* * *

Life was going great for Adam and Fiona. He and her were now going steady. Everyone was happy for him, even his mom to his slight surprise. However it didn't mean they weren't concerned for him. He had still not told Fiona his truth and it was really effecting their relationship. Fiona didn't know anything as of yet but she was suspicious. Though she didn't really know _what _they were hiding she knew they were hiding something, and she was certain she'd find out soon.

Adam wasn't too nervous about that. After so many years of keeping it a secret from his family, the other relatives, he was rather good at it. Sure he was scared of her finding out the truth but he was prepared. He was going to tell her he loved her, which he did and then tell her. If she loved him back like he loved her, well, perhaps she'd accept him. _All _of him. And if not than she wasn't the one for him. He prayed though to the God who made him wrong that he'd be right for once and that she would accept him.

He truly hoped she would.

For them dating was as easy as breathing, when he wasn't getting beat up by Fitz. He made sure not to let Fiona find out or she'd kill them all. But besides that it was easy. They fit well together and were each others' best friends, despite the two year difference.

The two year difference.

Most were not worried about that but few were. Like Holly J Sinclair. She knew about his secret but he made her swear not to tell. That he'd tell and he would. He really would. She wasn't however worried really much on was worried about her best friend's future. A long distance relationship would be tough, since Fiona was trying to get into the New York School of Design but put in two years and add another miracle needed. She knew first hand how difficult it was to handle it. It was a reason why she and Declan didn't work out. She didn't want Fiona or Adam to get hurt. But especially Fiona. She had gotten hurt enough.

Adam understood her concerns. He truly did but he loved her. He would make it work.

His family was coming over tomorrow night and his girlfriend was leaving today. As much as he loved her he did not want her to see him as Gracie. He never wanted her to. He may tell her about Gracie but actually seeing her was a no go.

Adam and Fiona were currently resting on his living room couch. She had her bags with her as she was about to leave for her family vacation. She was visiting him just before she took her leave for the rest of the year.

Adam stared into his girlfriend's and swore he could see directly into her soul. It was so pure, so beautiful. Nothing was more perfect than her. "I'll miss you." he whispered with a small smile. She was leaving until the new semester at Degrassi started.

"I will too." she said. She could feel her cell phone vibrate, indicating that Declan was here to pick her up. "I gotta go." she said sadly as she stared deeply into his own eyes. So filled with adoration. She slowly leaned into a kiss, her lips softly touching his. A fire lit between them as he kissed her back, slowly at first but quickly picking up speed. Her phone vibrated again as she sighed and regretfully stepped away from him. "I gotta go. I'll see you soon." she said as she gave him another kiss and a hug.

"Yeah." he nodded.

She turned to leave as he called out her name. She turned. "Yeah?" she asked with questioning eyes.

"I-, I'll miss you." he said lamely. He was berating himself from the inside. Stupid stupid stupid!

She frowned a bit. She was hoping he was going to say something else but quickly covering it up with a smile. "Bye." she turned again, walking down the stairs.

He frowned as his stomach churned a bit. _Stop her you idiot! _His mind argued with him. "Fiona!" he called out again.

She turned once more. "Adam I gotta-" She was interrupted with a heated kiss as he held her close to him.

They parted as they panted slightly. "I-I love you." He whispered oh so softly, barely hearing himself.

She gasped. Did he really say that? There was silence between them. Even the wind was hushed. Adam was quickly panicking. "Fi I-I-"

She stopped him with another kiss. "I love you too." her eyes brimming with tears. He kissed them limo honked as she frowned. "Bye. I love you." she said, her voice filling with happiness she never felt before.

This time she really did leave but she didn't leave him sad. "Love you princess." he sighed with love as he turned and went back inside his house.


	13. A Little Grace?

Author's Note: This is the chapter I've been waiting to write since the beginning of the story. I envisioned it multiple times and am so happy to have finished it. Please comment!

~Penbrook

* * *

Adam could hardly contain himself. It had been one hour since his confession and he was still in his moment of high. Drew was already looking at him oddly. He felt like shouting it to the world and yet he didn't. He wanted to savior the feeling a bit longer. Fiona Coyne loved him. He could hardly believe it and yet it was true. Fiona Coyne loved Adam Torres. Oh what a miracle this Christmas was!

Drew it seemed finally got fed up with Adam smiling so wide he wouldn't be surprised if it split, confronted him. "Okay bro what drink have you been drinking and where can I get my hands on one?" he joked.

His brother laughed. "If love is a drink..." he trailed.

Drew raised his eyebrows in confusion. A minute later his eyes widened. "Lo-love?" he asked. Love and who? "You and Fi-"

"I'm in love, she's in love!" he practically sang.

Drew cracked a grin as he patted his hand on his little brother's back. "Well than congrats bro!" He pulled him into a hug and then paused. "Wait, did you tell her?" he asked seriously.

Adam's smile faltered a bit. "Not yet but I will. I promise. I plan on telling her when she get's back." he assured him. "I promise Andrew." he repeated at the look on his brother's face. "I want her to know. She loves me. she'll accept me" he added. He didn't want to know what would happen if she didn't and Drew sure as hell didn't either so he kept quite.

"Well either way. Congrats are still an order. Let's go out and celebrate!"

The next day he woke up grinning. Although it was Christmas and his Fiona wasn't here he knew that she was with him spiritually in a sense. He checked his phone to see a text message from the one and only Fiona.

_From: Fiona Coyne_

_Receiver: Adam Torres_

_Message: Merry X-Mas!_

_Hey Adam. Hope you had a wonderful sleep. I know I did. Miss you already._

_XOXO _

_Love,_

_-Fi_

Adam grinned stupidly at himself. _Love. _He couldn't help but feel all warm and tingly at just that simple message.

_From: Adam Torres_

_Receiver: Fiona Coyne  
_

_Message Reply: Merry X-Mas!_

_I had the best night sleep. Can't wait until I see you again. When are you coming back?_

_XOXOXO_

_Love,_

_Your night and shinning armor_

Adam got out of bed after he sent his text and ran to the bathroom in elation. He quickly did his business and went downstairs where he saw his family gathered around the Christmas tree with the dozens of presents. They spent the better part of the morning opening presents and being merry. However just like all good things they always came to an end. His mother gave him a pointed look and he knew that Gracie was back. He went upstairs to change into her clothes. As he did he felt all wrong. He knew he was a guy. His mother knew he was a guy yet his family, his extended, still considered him Gracie. He knew why he wasn't appearing as Adam and he accepted it but it didn't mean it felt any less wrong.

He, or rather she, went back down as he heard his uncles and aunts, cousins and grandparents enter the house, giving their blessings and all that Christmasy junk. He placed a fake smile as he saw everyone. "Hey."

Their shouts bombarded his thoughts.

"GRACIE!"

"You haven't changed a bit."

"Oh look how beautiful you are!"

"Gracie?" his brother asked. He stared into his eyes of his _sister _in full confusion and then looked at his mother in betrayal. She had done this to him.

"Not now Andrew." he whispered back. Not now.

After full reintroductions were done with they headed off to the Gallaway Restaurant for dinner.

They were quickly seated as the questions began.

"How have you been dear?" her grandmother asked sweetly with innocence.

"Fine." he replied.

"Any boyfriends?" his cousin, Ricky Torres, asked with a glint of humor.

His face reddened. As if. "Nope." he muttered back.

"You better hurry it up girl." he replied. "So I can beat em up."

"Hey that's my job!" Drew cut in. Adam glared slightly at him. If he touched a hair on Fi's head... He knew that Drew was just trying to make things easier on him but it wasn't helping.

As time went on dinner became more and more relaxed. Most of the questions were now drifting towards Drew and his football.

Adam sighed. It seemed as if things were going to be all right.

He felt the air shift as the front door of the restaurant opened. The bell gave it away.

"Adam?" A familiar voice asked. He turned around as his eyes widened. There stood Fiona with a look of confusion and hurt splashed across her face.

"Fi-Fiona, I can explain." he stuttered as he tried to think of something to say but his thoughts were cut off by Ricky.

"Who's Adam?"


	14. Truth Revieled Part 1

Author's Note: So this story is almost done. Boo Ho Cry and all that. I actually almost did cry writing this and I hope if you are sentimental you will too. There is one more chapter in this. One in Drew's point of view and one in Adams.

Hope you enjoy and please do not kill me when you finish reading.

~Penbrook

* * *

Drew stared in confusion as his brother, no _sister _entered down the stairs. He didn't know what to say. _What the hell? _He merely thought. Yesterday Adam was on top of the world. He had announced to him that he and Fiona, his long-term girlfriend were in love. Drew was a little put back when he heard that. He knew it was true but even after a long time couldn't truly grasp it. Although he had long accepted Adam as his brother it didn't mean he understood everything, like how Adam could catch the eye of Fiona and how she loved him.

He was happy for him, he truly was and he guessed in love it really did outweigh everything so he tried not to think of it much. The only thing he was worried about was the truth and such but he knew Adam would handle it. Was this his way of handling it? As Gracie?

His brother gave him a glare telling him not to comment so he didn't. He knew that there would be hell to pay if he did so he wisely, though against his better judgment, kept his thoughts to himself.

The family gushed on how beautiful 'Gracie' was and he almost had to gag. If only they knew... Why didn't they?

"What's going on?" he asked his mother who he had pulled into the kitchen alone.

"What do you mean?" she asked, trying to play the innocence card.

"You know what the hell I mean!"

"Language!" she scolded but then sighed. "He agreed. It's only the holiday." she assured him. "He and I both agree it's not the time to announce his secret."

"And he went along with this, on his own free will?" he asked her with a pointed look. He was extremely protective of his brother, even from his mother.

Especially from his mother.

"Yes." she gave him an exasperated sigh. "Look its only for now. We'll tell them later. I promise. Just _don't _say anything." she ordered sternly.

Drew huffed but nodded in agreement. "Fine, but it doesn't mean I have to like it." he said as he turned, walking out to where the rest of the family was.

Later that evening they went out to dinner. All was going well until Ricky, his step-cousin, asked about Adam's, or more correctly, Gracie's, love life was. He winced. Not the right question dude.

He saw Adam's face redden. "Nope." he said simply. Not beating around the bush.

"You better hurry it up girl." he joked lightly "So I can beat em up."

He didn't think as the next comment came out of his mouth. His protectiveness got the better of him. He saw Adam glare at him. He knew that Adam hated anyone, even him, fighting his own battles for him. Especially now but it was true...just not in the boyfriend sense. More in the Fitz and Owen sense.

They were talking on an easy subject, football, when the one he never thought to see enter the room entered. Fiona Coyne.

Oh my damn...

He saw his brother's face turn with her as he saw her leave and him run after her. He glared at his cousin. How dare he! He knew that he'd pay hell for yelling at him but it didn't matter. Why couldn't Ricky just keep his mouth shut? He knew that Adam was paying hell either way, whether or not Ricky commented but still, it didn't help.

"What was that for?" Ricky asked with anger as Adam left the room. "And where is she going? And since when has she been a dyke?" he asked.

"Don't you fucking dare say that again!" he roared, his anger unleashed. No one called his brother that! "Take it back!" He grabbed the collar of Ricky's shirt, pulling his face to his. "Don't you dare call my brother that!"

"Brother?" He asked with confusion. "What the hell?"

"ANDREW JACOB TORRES!" His mother yelled at him. He winced. Not the middle name... "You let go of your cousin this instant!" He reluctantly let go as he saw his cousin, or rather ex, fix up his shirt and glare at him. He deserved much worse that punk. "You can kill him later but not here." His lips twitched a little.

"Audra." his grandmother said quietly. "What is going on dear?"

Everyone took in the silence gratefully. No one said anything for a while until his dad spoke. "Mother...Gracie isn't Gracie, she hasn't been for a long time." he muttered softly.

Everyone gasped.

"What do you mean?" his uncle Jack asked.

"It means that Gracie doesn't exist." he answered for them. "Adam does. Adam was Gracie."

"What?" Ricky asked dumbly.

He rolled his eyes. "Adam's an FTM, Female-to male-transgendered." he explained in more scientific terms. "He's physically a girl, I guess, but he's Adam."

"You mean to tell me..." drawled Ricky. "That my cousin is a dy-" He didn't get to finish as he was flown back three feet from his seat. Drew's fist was red from the strike.

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL HIM THAT!" He roared. No one seemed to stop him or yell at him. Not even his mother.

"Audra how did you mess up?" Ricky's mother asked. He was seeing red. He never did like her.

"You bitch!" his mother screeched. Go mom! "Never talk badly about my son again!"

Things started to go into full caouis as people all over was fighting. Ricky was rubbing on his broken eye and black nose gingerly, spitting a mouthful of blood. Everyone else had stopped eating as they watched the scene laid before them.

He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to see his grandmother smile kindly at him. "You better go after my grandson." she stated.

Drew gave her a lopsided smile as he knew she accepted Adam for who he was. He nodded and left the fighting to them.

He had just made it outside when he saw the most pitiful scene. Adam was on his knees, in a skirt and dress shirt no less, tears falling down his face as he saw Fiona walk away. Quietly walking to his side he placed his hand on his shoulder and pull him into a hug. Adam didn't respond. He knew he wouldn't. He didn't have anything to say as Adam cried all over him. He didn't need to say anything. His brother was heartbroken.

What was there to say?


	15. Truth Revieled Part 2

Author's Note: Okay so this will be the last chapter of the story. I know. Its sad. But there will be a sequel. I'm still working on it so it probably won't be up for a few days or a week or more, depending on my schedual. And I tend to be lazy. I already have the thoughts and what will happen, i just have to put them in words and such. So I'm sorry if it will take a while. I also have other story ideas other than Degrassi so I'm working on those as well.

Thanks to all my reviews. A special shout out to BandBabe who is my inspiration in Degrassi fanfiction. Yes I know that a lot of you always review and I appreciate you all but she/he, (haven't figured out gender) writes awesome fanfics, better than my own.

Anyways thanks to all who read and loved.

And now the final chapter.

~Penbrook

* * *

"Adam, what's going on?" She asked again, her eyes filled with so much confusion as she tried to understand the setting laid out before her. Her boyfriend, her love, her Adam was in girl's clothes. If that wasn't the most bizarre thing she ever seen what was more strange was that what looked to be his family didn't even know who he was. Who Adam was. What the hell was going on?

"Fiona, I can explain." he tried, his voice filled with so much pain. He knew that he had to tell Fiona the truth sooner or later and he was fully prepared to as Adam but this, this was not how he wanted to explain it, as Gracie.

"Adam?" Ricky interrupted with confusion. "Is that your boyfriend Gracie?" he asked. "I thought you said you didn't have one?"

He didn't reply back. He couldn't. Drew did that for him.

"Dude shut the fuck up!" he yelled at his step-cousin. His grandmother gasped and scolded him but he paid them no attention. His eyes were fully on Fiona who's her eyes were on the brink of tears.

"I-I gotta go." she chocked on what seemed to be her tears. God he never wanted to see them again. He'd die happily if he never saw her in pain again. She then turned as she ran out of the restaurant.

He immediately got out of his seat and ran to follow after her. He could hear his grandmother's protest covered up by his mothers' but he ignored them. He had to talk to Fiona. "Fi-Wait up!" he yelled after her.

He felt a chilly breezy run up his spine as he exited the building. She was no more than three feet away from him when he grabbed at her wrist and pulled her back.

She turned, her eyes no longer filled with sadness but fear. "Le-lemme go." she stammered out. He did as she quickly walked back a few feet. She hugged herself as she tried to stay up.

Realization dawned at him as he figured out why she was scared. "Fiona, love, I'm not Bobby!" he stated sadly as his own eyes started to brim with warm water despite the cold air. "Please."

She finally seemed to respond but not the way he wanted. "What the hell, are you a girl?" He flinched. It was the exact same words that Bianca asked him when she had figured out the secret. She didn't say it in the exact same tone but still. The meaning was clear.

"Well, no, well, yes but -"

"What's going on Adam, or should I call you Gracie?" she asked.

He flinched again. "Don't call me that!" he stated strongly. "I'm not her!"

"Than why does your family think you are? What's going on?"

Adam sighed as he began the exact conversation he had nearly a year ago with Eli and Clare. He prayed to God that she would accept him like they had. "I'm a dude, like one hundred percent guy...but I was born in a female body." he began. "I'm an FTM, Female-to Male- Transgendered."

He than continued on the story of his past up to his present. The entire time Fiona stayed silent. He didn't know if that was a good thing or bad. Oh how he wished he could read her mind. Just this once. "Fiona?" he asked when he finished, nervous for her. It was cold out and he didn't want her to get sick.

"Am I the only one who didn't know?" she asked quietly.

He winced. "Well, my family didn't..." he offered but he knew it wouldn't help.

She smiled sadly at him. "I came back because I couldn't bare the thought of being away from you but I guess it was pretty useless huh?" she asked. "I don't even know you anymore."

"Yes you do!" he stated. "You know me. I told you every-"

"Than why didn't you tell me this?" she cried out in pain. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Tears were falling down both their faces. "I-I didn't want you to think of me as a freak." he whispered.

"I wouldn't have." she whispered back, tears were cascading down her face and onto the snow.

"I swear I was going to tell you, I really was, when you got back but you found out before I could..." he explained. "Fiona, I'm still me. I'm still Adam. I was just born Gracie."

Fiona was in her inner turmoil. She didn't know how to respond. "I-I have to go." she stammered out as she turned to leave.

"Please Fiona, I love you!" he cried out to her, falling to his knees, the coldness hitting against his naked kneecaps but he paid no mind to it. She didn't turn back. He could feel Drew press his hands on his shoulder and pull him into a hug but he didn't respond. There was nothing left to say. She left him to his suffering. She left him alone.

She left him as Gracie.


	16. Sequel

Author's Note: Hey readers! just wanted to let you know that the Sequel, Breaking My Heart, is finally posted!


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